I mean, I think I am generally speaking. I don't kick dogs or push old ladies down on the sidewalk or shoot spitwads at butterflies or anything. But there is one teeny tiny issue that I can't seem to overcome.
I get bugged.
Yes, bugged.
And not by things like world hunger or Osama Bin Laden or drunk drivers or healthcare--although I am not a fan of any of them by any stretch and have been known to speak out against them most vociferously.
No, I am bugged by things like people inserting themselves into conversations. Or those who always have to recite their resume in order to make a point on everything from local politics to why bacon is better than sausage. Or who can't seem to realize that everyone on this earth has a role, and that they don't have to have every role. Or that sometimes they--like the rest of us--just don't have to be (or get to be) a part of things. I am bugged by emails they think are cute or funny or cutting edge when really, I've seen them all before and don't need to see them again. How many Anne Geddes pictures can there possibly be, I ask you?
I am bugged by people who start to make a point, then start laughing, and say things in their laughter like "you know, I'm just saying..." and do it every -- single -- day. Or who try to be cool and who are just kinda too old to be truly cool anymore. It happens to all of us at some point--it has to me--so just deal with it. I am bugged by people who speak in baby voices, try to be funny but just come out making you feel like you need a shower, who sigh more than is necessary and who are living in such martyrdom that Martin Luther King Jr. and his ilk pale in comparison.
Now I realize that these offenses are both ridiculous and minor in comparison to the many things with which others are generally faced. And I doubt (usually, anyway) that they will push me over the edge to the point that you shall see me featured in an unpleasant way on your local evening news. But nevertheless, I am bugged by them and will most likely continue to be.
So you see? I am NOT a nice person.
And maybe I will go push an old lady down on the sidewalk just to prove it.
5 comments:
Got it! No more speaking in a baby voice. But I just love it, you know what I'm saying? And I think I'm qualified to do it, since I have worked with toddlers before.
You know I'm bugged a lot too - especially lately by jerk contractors who are dishonest like all the rest of them and I am bugged because I can't do one D*** thing about it. There is this scary part of me that wishes I had real power and believe me, I'd use it. I'd squash jerk contractors like the bugs they are and laugh as they sink into the hole they belong in.
Sorry - but thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Your post was perfect timing and very helpful for me :)!
heather - dont know who you are but hysterical comment!!
jewel - you are a nice person - it's just all those other people that have the problem!!
All I kept thinking about is, "Oh, no. Do I do that?" But then I said, "Well, Jewel is my friend and hasn't killed me yet, right?"
Here's my list of pet peeves:
*ear wax
*dirty elbows
*spittle of any kind (but *especially the kind that pools in the center of someones lip and stretches into elastic-y spittle lines when talking. Those really gross me out.)
*really loud chewing
*half-ass anything (I tried to think of a nicer way to say that. I drew a blank)
*nose whistling
*I'm with you on baby voices (unless of course you are actually speaking to a baby)
ummm...I think that is it. At least for now.
Phew. I feel better.
Dear Jewel,
I apologize.
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